A little humour

We had an electrician today ask one of mechanics to hold out his thumb. He then measured the size of that same thumb. When the mechanic asked why. The electricain replied, "I just wanted to see what size your a**hole was!".

oh,,at our place,,we measured their heads,,

Fred Raud

Here I though I was going to get a pair of gloves and a hat for Christmas....

elevmike said:

Here I though I was going to get a pair of gloves and a hat for Christmas....

Click to expand...

not too late,,lets just hope they arent the same size,,


Fred Raud

You sure it was a mechanic he asked and not a cop?

I heard one a while back

A guy was driving down the road well in excesss of the speed limit and passed a cop with his radar on

Of course the cop came out and stopped him

The cop asks the guy why he is in a big hurry.

The guy says I have to get to work.

The cop says, what do you do?

He says I am a rectum stretcher.

The cop says I never heard of that, what do you do in that job.

So the guy tells him, first I work 1 finger in, then 2, then 3, then 4 then my hand, then the other and, then I keep stretching till it's 6 feet around.

The cop says what the hell do you do with a 6' *******

The guy says we give him a badge and a radar gun

Fine $5000
Jail time 15 days
Look on cops face: priceless

These 3 are true stories in the same vein.

Cop pulled over a driver for speeding. Words were exchanged and the cop gave the guy a ticket for speeding. The guy then commented "you have a c*** of a job but the position suits you admirably!" Woke up in a police cell. I worked with the idiot.

Some months later the same workmate was walking through the red light distict drunk. Neede to go so ****ed his leg on the side of a building. A big guy, dressed in shorts, coral island tee shirt and thongs, tapped him on the shoulder. The idiot just took a swing and woke up in the police cells agin. They never learn. Too many hormones possibly.

I was travelling in a railway car a year or 2 ago (steam engine) in the country. Going to my grand parents farm for a hoilday. A guy got on the train drunk as a skunk. The conductor arrived in the carriage and asked him to be quiet and keep the language down. The guy asked the conductor who the hell he thought he was. He replied "I am the conductor." Drunk guy retorted "you could not conduct a country s**t house." The conductor knew where there was a siding, pulled the train's stop chain and threw him out in the middle of nowhere onto the siding platform.

A friend of mine was celebraiting new years evening in finland i my home town Porvoo. He was walking through the park an found a naked man laying in the snow. Went to the police station and told about it.
He was a "little" bit drunk when he went there---> didn´t belive him-->they released him the next morning from jail... don´t know what happened to the man in the snow pile ? (-20 degrees celcius)

A other "friend" of mine liked to take a bath after he had been drinking.
He came home and went to take a shower, he had a small plastic chair in the shower (was sitting in the shower because he was to drunk to standup)
passed out and fell of the chair. His *** went on top of the drain...
his father came to visit him in the morning and opened the door .. 5 cm of water on the floor in the whole appartement(he was still sleeping). The water also went two floors down through the ceiling...

Having been to Finland, I know for a fact that both of the preceding stories MUST be true.

So d*** cold up there, they need that much antifreeze.

I find very amusing story from ArikBY....

Speaking of cops and true stories. Here's one I seen on TV a few years back. A guy was speeding and a remote camera snapped a picture of his plates as he passed. A few days later, a ticket arrives in the mail, along with the picture of his liscense plate. So this guy writes out the check, then takes a picture of it and mails it to the police. A few days later, he receives a letter from the police department. Inside, he finds a picture of handcuffs. Needless to say, the guy paid the ticket fairly quickly.

Reaching back to my Navy days........ Standing in the alley next to a bar in Lauderdale, relieving ourselves of an excess of beer. I finished and stood around waiting for my buddy to finish. About then, two police officers(one male, one female) walked up to find out what we were doing. My friend put everything away in mid-cycle, and while we were talking to the officers discovered that the cycle couldn't quite be interupted that quickly....... The officers smirked, said nevermind and walked off........ Thus is born a rather unfortunate nickname, which lasted for the next three years of his tour.

and this one time,,at band camp..........


Fred Raud