OT: What my boss wants to hear

Ned_Flanders · May 21, 2009

Some years ago I heard a series of "Businessspeak" phrases with their actual meanings. My favourite was "Our production line is not geared to meet this requirement" meaning: give us more money and we'll do it.

Just lately, myself and my colleagues have been struggling to make ourselves understood.

We say, "This plc is obsolete and we need to do something about it urgently".
The boss hears "It will last another 5 years".

We say, "I have bodged it up" (Don't know if this is an American phrase to)
The boss hears "Everything is ok"

Anyone else have this problem?

magicsmoke · May 21, 2009

I hear this all the time. Many years ago we did a upgrade on one of machine the upgrade was to install two VFD's. AB160's just came out and would fit just prefect were the two size 0 motor starter where. Instead the man running the show found two AB 1333 so we had to build another box and install the 1333. At that time we wanted to replace the PLC 2 also that never happened.

craig_avanzar · May 21, 2009

What they say:

This is a more robust solution.

What I hear:

This is something, not really going to fix it, but it makes me look busy.

What they say:

Hey, I'd like your opinion on this project.

What I hear:

Do you think you could do this?

What they say:

Corporate thinks we should do this.

What I hear:

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.

TConnolly · May 21, 2009

ME: "This PLC has been out of production for 15 years and the manufacturer no longer supports it and does not sell spare parts anymore."

WHAT BOSS HEARS: "We can buy replacement parts off from E-bay at bargain prices."

Stationmaster · May 21, 2009

"We have identified the problem and are working feverishly to correct it."

Means:

"We are going to continue to stall until you give up."

bkottaras · May 21, 2009

Alaric said:
ME: "This PLC has been out of production for 15 years and the manufacturer no longer supports it and does not sell spare parts anymore."

WHAT BOSS HEARS: "We can buy replacement parts off from E-bay at bargain prices."

I had to do a couple of projects where all material were "E-Bay exclusive" kind of a mix n match goodie bag.
They baught it and called me in to make it work.
I have to admit, the home build panels were very "colorful" to say the least when you opened the doors! Just like a rainbow!
And plenty of extra knockouts for added cooling!

Tom Jenkins · May 22, 2009

My favorite: "WE need to work smarter."

Translation: "YOU need to figure out how to do this without anything approaching adequate rescources."

Oakley · May 22, 2009

bkottaras said:
I had to do a couple of projects where all material were "E-Bay exclusive" kind of a mix n match goodie bag.
They baught it and called me in to make it work.
I have to admit, the home build panels were very "colorful" to say the least when you opened the doors! Just like a rainbow!
And plenty of extra knockouts for added cooling!

Manager is thinking - "We're implementing a green project and reducing costs."

Flopro · May 22, 2009

Living with blinders on...

They say: "Give this idea some more thought and weigh in with your concerns, if any."

They mean: "We've already made up our minds; don't confuse us with the facts--get it done. Otherwise, you're not a team player."

Steve Bailey · May 22, 2009

The boss says, "I'm looking for a team player".

The boss means, "I'm the coach. A good team player does whatever the coach tells him to do".

Sliver · May 22, 2009

The boss says, "I'm looking for a team player".

The boss means, "I'm the coach. A good team player does whatever the coach tells him to do".

How true!

If it aint broke don't fix it

translates as

We've been doing it this way for so many years that we can't be expected to have to learn anything new, so quit whining and go cobble it up again!

Brian.

Flopro · May 22, 2009

This SUMS up everything...

Just tell ANYONE that wants ANYTHING:

Pick two:

Good

Fast

Cheap

They get to pick ONLY two--they NEVER get the third choice (whats left) once their two choices are made! For example; They want it Good & Fast---it won't be Cheap!

Mickey · May 22, 2009

Flopro said:
Just tell ANYONE that wants ANYTHING:

Pick two:

Good

Fast

Cheap

They get to pick ONLY two--they NEVER get the third choice (whats left) once their two choices are made! For example; They want it Good & Fast---it won't be Cheap!

Yes, take note of Steve Bailey's avatar ( post 10 above)

Flopro · May 22, 2009

Oops! Now if EVERYONE I deal with could see Steve's avatar---no such luck!

Steve Bailey · May 22, 2009

Whenever I come across a list of three characteristics my first thought is "pick any two". My favorite was a sign I saw outside a restaurant that said "Good food fast". I really wanted to add to the bottom, "Pick any two"!

OT: What my boss wants to hear

Ned_Flanders

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magicsmoke

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craig_avanzar

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TConnolly

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Stationmaster

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bkottaras

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Tom Jenkins

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Oakley

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Flopro

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Steve Bailey

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Sliver

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Flopro

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Mickey

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Flopro

Lifetime Supporting Member

Steve Bailey

Lifetime Supporting Member + Moderator

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