*FUN* Tall Tales Told to System Integrators

I've been in the business most of my adult life, and I think I've heard about all of them. The funny part is that when people say these things, they think they are being clever, coy, original and sincere. I thought this would be a fun thread to watch.

Add your own in your replies.

First Place Prize nominee: "We need a quote to do this one machine over here, but we have (fill in any large number) more machines JUST LIKE it in (our plant/this division/this country/this company).

Honorable Mention: "You can have this job right now, but you'll have to reduce your price by (fill in any large number) percent, or my boss won't let me cut the P.O."

jdbrandt said:

First Place Prize nominee: "We need a quote to do this one machine over here, but we have (fill in any large number) more machines JUST LIKE it in (our plant/this division/this country/this company).

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The said part.... I just told a SI that I have never used before this exact thing, last week, but it was/is true

Then I had to call him this week and tell him all AR's are on hold...we are being sold sometimes I don't like my job

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Ok... We got a quote (as we were told to do) from a OEM 3yrs in a row, the 4th time we called he said no! he would not quote it, wonder why??

You should work in tech or application support or handle repairs.

I think every OEM out there has stories about customers claiming all the widgets they were sent were bad. The customer connect the widget and it doesn't work. He connects the second widget and it too doesn't work. This continues until all the widgets have been ruined by bad wiring. I guess it is the OEMs fault for not making it obvious the widget is being burn by letting out smoke and smell.

My favorite is with one of our customers who has asked us to quote the same project once a year for the past four years. Each time they meet with us, I take my meeting notes from the orginal meeting (and each subsequent meeting). They are amazed how good my memory is regarding their product and what kind of system they would like. Needless to say the quote gets easier to write and has more features every year.

"OK, your system worked great last week, but it doesn't work now and you need to fix it. No - nothing has changed! Why do you ask?"

Peter Nachtwey said:

You should work in tech or application support or handle repairs.

I think every OEM out there has stories about customers claiming all the widgets they were sent were bad. The customer connect the widget and it doesn't work. He connects the second widget and it too doesn't work. This continues until all the widgets have been ruined by bad wiring. I guess it is the OEMs fault for not making it obvious the widget is being burn by letting out smoke and smell.

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I have always been told that all electronics has smoke inside them, but if you let it out they're ruined.

The more smoke, smell and sound the better.

nettogrisen said:

I have always been told that all electronics has smoke inside them, but if you let it out they're ruined.

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Yes, that is the point. The manufacturers must make their boards and modules fail in spectacular ways. The more smoke, sound and smell the better. If they just fail silently there is nothing to indicate the wiring is bad and the user will just keep plugging one board after another until all the boards are dead.

nettogrisen said:

I have always been told that all electronics has smoke inside them, but if you let it out they're ruined.

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Mostly true but sometimes they go bang without any smoke. I once heard about a Japanese service engineer who was brow-beaten into fitting an IGBT module into a 500HP drive despite his protests that it wan't matched to its brothers. Shortly after the drive reached full power, the module bid farewell to the drive, leaving an exit hole in the front panel as it flew across the control room. Fortunately no-one was hurt.

Q: What are the two phrases guaranteed to make a company director nervous?
A:
1. Law suit.
2. Smouldering ruin.

System Integrator: “Alright, sir. To get started, suppose that you describe the new process that you want us to automate for you - and explain how you want it to work.”



Plant Engineer: “That’s the problem. Our new process is so complicated and involved that we CAN’T explain it. That’s why we need you to program a computer to control it.”

"You need to come and look at your PLC I think the program changed." "Why do you think it changed?" "It doesn't work anymore." "Did you change it?" "No, I don't even have a computer." Did you check the sensors to see if they work?" "No, I didn't think of that..." "We found it, someone cut the wire to x prox"...

John

Since I have been waiting several years now.

"The check is in the mail."

geniusintraining said:

We got a quote (as we were told to do) from a OEM 3yrs in a row, the 4th time we called he said no! he would not quote it, wonder why??

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mconner said:

My favorite is with one of our customers who has asked us to quote the same project once a year for the past four years. Each time they meet with us, I take my meeting notes from the orginal meeting (and each subsequent meeting). They are amazed how good my memory is regarding their product and what kind of system they would like. Needless to say the quote gets easier to write and has more features every year.

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hmmmm, and who do you work for???



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On a side note... About the AR's being on hold in my first post, Tim (TWControls) we are still on, I have the money to pay you

We have a client that uses us for the odd project though they have some of the strangest ways of doing things.

Now and again they get a BIG project, then things go something like this:

Big Project announced.
Client Engineer gets schmoozed by big contract companies.
Client engineer ingores ALL integrators theyve been using for the previous 3 years as 'insufficient' and laps up the nice attention from said BIG contract companies.
BIG contract company is awarded job.
BIG contract company proceeds to screw Client
Client gets mad at BIG contractor.
BIG contractor waves celeverly written contract in Clients face.
Client sucks it up and waits until BIG contractor has finished making a huge mess.
Client engineer runs and hides under his desk while Assistant Client Engineer calls around all loyal integrators begging for help.
Loyal integrators come in, bail everyone out and job is finished after Client has paid for the work twice..

This has happened THREE times so far. Invariably the client always finds someone to fire afterwards. Its like musical chairs over there ... some poor soul finds theres nowhere to sit when the music stops!

"The PLC just shut everything down when we got x alarm! Fix it!"

reply "It's supposed to do that"

jdbrandt said:

First Place Prize nominee: "We need a quote to do this one machine over here, but we have (fill in any large number) more machines JUST LIKE it in (our plant/this division/this country/this company).

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LOL I have just received an order like this with a promise of 8 or 9 to follow.