I know that is the one that scared the bejeesus out of me!
The Bejesus Speculation.
One of the more common expressions in 'Merica Nenglish' is "That scared the bejesus out of me!"
Now, we all know that the best way to cure the hiccups is to do exactly that - to scare the bejesus out of the hiccup sufferer.
Has it ever occurred to anyone that hiccups might be a symptom of an excess of 'bejesus'?
I personally think this is correct. The speculation goes as follows:
People accumulate bejesus as a natural process. Perhaps we manufacture
bejesus out of air, or from the foods we eat or beverages we drink. (I think this is most likely. It seems plain to me that beer has a tremendous amount of bejesus in it.) When our bejesus levels get too high, our body automatically tries to shed the bejesus the best way it can. The best mechanism the body has for shedding bejesus naturally is by hiccupping.
Unfortunately, each hiccup only sheds a very small amount of bejesus. This is why an attack of the hiccups can seem to last so long. Now, we all know that there are ways of shedding bejesus faster than one or two 'hiccups worth' per second. Being startled is one of the best ways of getting rid of excess bejesus. Another is to be beaten badly in a fight as in 'he kicked the bejesus out of me'.
The point in all of this?
If a friend develops the hiccups (by drinking too much beer, for instance), you should try to cure these hiccups by startling him (or her). You could, in extreme situations, beat them up as well, although one should only do THIS if the case of the hiccups is so severe that it seems to be life-threatening. Now, even if scaring the patient does not work the first time, you should NOT give up. You should do it again. Several times, if needed. Especially if they are a bit drunk and unlikely to remember stuff in the morning.
Even if they get angry with you, you should keep right on startling them until the hiccups go away. You are doing them a favor. Just remember that startling someone sheds a lot more bejesus than hiccupping does. The hiccups didn't stop after one or two, so you shouldn't either.