Anyone else, jokes in your programming comments?

[ndzied1]

Whenever I have to put unused text elements into an array, or have unused Alarm messages, I don't leave them blank.

Instead, I insert passages of Lewis Carroll's poem "Jabberwocky".

While people will ignore or fail to tell you about a blank string or empty error message, they will usually mention it if the machine advises them to "shun the frumious Bandersnatch !".

Great idea Ken!

 

[JaxGTO]

I programmed a bunch of conveyors once where the last two were 40HP motor starters. So I programmed them to start with a sequencer to the tune of Shave and a Haircut two bits.

First time I started it for the customer, he just shook his head and walked away. Maintenance guys loved it.

Most of the comments I leave behind are disparaging remarks about the programming software flaws.

 

[Ronnie Sullivan]

I once, just for the hell of it, put a p/button on a HMI labelled 'DO NOT PRESS' and monitored it, when the machine broke down I asked did anybody press this p/button? A stern "NO definitely not" was the reply.

When I checked It had been pressed 51 times that day.

Steve

I did a sort of opposite of that. I was called in to explain why a motor had burned out 3 times in a year on a machine i had done.

The inference was definitely that I had been the cause of this through bad workmanship. These motors ran impellers in huge dye pans and if the operator didn't hang the yarn correctly, it came off and tangled itself around the impeller causing it to trip.

I knew all they did was reset the o/l until it was clear or the motor failed. But everyone denied ever doing that.
So it must be my fault.
I connected my laptop telling them that the number of resets were recorded in the program. (It wasn't of course) I showed them a timer with a preset of 100 and said 'there, it has been reset 100 times since I programmed this'
Queue sheepish looking operatives, bollockings, and a notice not to reset until the impeller has been cleared.

 

[doomhead]

I have dozens of machines around here with HMI pushbuttons that don't require an indication. They usually say "WEEEEE you're pushing a button!" when you press them. Most people don't notice this because their finger is in the way

I leave long comments that have gotten a few chuckles. "we are using indexed addressing here, we could do it other ways but frankly this is easier and I'm the boss of this code."

I also write them using "we" a lot like the person reading them is in on it with me.

One last one, We had a Japanese press with a secret button sequence that, when pressed, displayed a black and white SFW picture of Anna Nicole Smith. We had the manufacture in to upgrade the controls and we convinced the programmer to keep the secret image in. He did but updated the picture to a pretty Japanese celebrity.

 

[ggc]

In a program that I had to commission days before a 6 week holiday, " this should really be a PID loop, but bang-bang control will have to do for now because I don't need want to try and tune a PID loop via phone." Still there, and machine still running.

Speed controls on a HMI that scale 0-10, but if the operator sets it to 11 there's a Spinal Tap pop-up screen. Completely wasted on the young people.

And I think every Red lion screen I've programmed plays Rock Lobster.

 

[Oo-v-oO]

I didn't program it, but years ago we had an injection molding press with a 2-line canned message display. At utterly random times, the message "Help, Mr. Wizard!" would pop up, flash a few times, then the display go back to normal operation. It was always a special treat to see it pop up because it wasn't very often that you'd catch it.

I should have hooked up to the PLC and figured out what logic the programmer used to do it, but that was very early in my career. I still chuckle about it.